


Like a Rat out of Hell

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Sirius in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:36:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius/Peter slash - yup, you did read that right. And why the hell not? Why isn't there more Peter, he's only Snape in reverse? Anyway, Sirius POV, he's in Azkaban.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like a Rat out of Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Are you wondering why?

You think its weird don't you? But you have to understand that you never knew him like I did. You never knew him before. If you look at him now all you can see is what he **did** , but, look, he wasn't always the person who handed the Potters to Voldemort.

Once he was just a boy.

And so was I.

And what's more, living as a rat for 13 years changes a person somewhat.

But if you like, I try and think out some rational explanations for it:

\--

Perhaps it was because he was the only real option. You know, out of my three best friends

Because Remus was, well, Remus was just too strange.

He was barely human a lot of the time. He was beautiful, but in this tragic ethereal way that meant you just wanted to get close to him and protect him, but not fuck him. That would just be, well, wrong. Like fucking your pet bunny rabbit. Weird.

James on the other hand, James was just too straight. Straight in every way. Not exactly prissy but, you know, serious. He wasn't really an option. Het, vanilla and just normal, steady - boring even.

Lovely, the best friend in the world, but not exactly fuckable, well, not to me.

So that left Peter.

But that wasn't the reason.

\--

Perhaps it was because he made me laugh. Remus and James could both be, well, kind of serious. James was too studious to really have a laugh with and Remus just too strange - bless his heart. But Peter: me and Peter used to crack up, just, all the time. He could be so stupid, in a clever way, or even just plain sick.

When we were figuring out our animal forms once, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'I can't wait to be a rat Sirius, I'm gonna crawl right up inside you and wriggle like a little bitch.'

He was so funny.

But it wasn't for that reason either.

\--

It was because he looked like a little blond angel that had fallen from heaven and landed in my arms.

And he felt so warm and soft, sleeping in the crook of my arm.

My little sullied cherub, covered in marks from my mouth and my fingernails and my open palm. Oh yeah, he was a kinky little bitch too. I knew there was another reason I liked him.

I liked the contrast between us: me so rangy and dark and intense and him so golden and soft and light. He hid most of his dark side in public. Oh, and I do realise how poignant that sounds now, because, of course, I didn't realise then how much of his **really** dark side he was actually hiding from me.

I didn't realise how deep that contrast between us actually ran.

But I never considered there was anything sinister in his needs back then. I was having too much fun. The feelings of power and arousal I would get when I held his cock in my hands and took him to the brink of orgasm again and again, denying him release until tears were running down his face and he was offering me anything, anything, for just a little more....

And I never realised where this need to subjugate himself to another would lead him. I never even dreamed he could need so much more.

'Cause I guess in the end I just wasn't enough. I can't see why else he would look elsewhere.

Look **there**.

Looking at it that way it was my fault. I sometimes think if I hadn't encouraged him, if I hadn't drawn that out of him things could have been different. He wouldn't have started craving more and more humiliation and control. He wouldn't have....

Oh, but **how** could I have known?

I had no idea.

And then he destroyed my whole world.

He killed his friends and framed his lover all because he found someone who could fulfil his needs so much better than I could. Someone who could really abuse him, without something as tiresome as actually loving him getting in the fucking way.

Someone who wouldn't have to stop tormenting him to just hold him and tell him how he lit up their whole world.

\--

When I realised what he'd done I went to find him of course. I suppose in my heart of hearts I actually thought there'd be a rational explanation, that he'd make it okay, but as soon as I saw his face.

I knew.

And I couldn't even kill him.

Even then, at that moment, I couldn't be what he needed me to be, because even after all, I still loved him.

Fuck.

I still do.

\--

I really don't know why I'm here, in this place. I really don't know why they've gone to all this trouble. They shouldn't have bothered. I barely notice the walls or the cold or the pain or the misery.

Why would I? When was already imprisoned the moment he betrayed me. In a cell I built with my own fucking hands.

And my own bleeding heart.

\--

_'He's at Hogwarts.'_

Le End


End file.
